Former President of Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe who died this morning at the age of 95, will be remembered for so many things from being a guerrilla fighter who helped to bring independence to his country in 1980, to being the longest serving president in Africa before he was forced to resign in 2017 after his party had internal crisis.
However, one thing many Africans will remember Mugabe for was his legendary sense of humour and the funny quotes attributed to him. Though many of the popular anecdotes could not be substantiated, we bring you 20 of the most popular hilarious quotes credited to Mugabe.
- The only warning the African takes seriously is low battery.
- Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realize witchcraft is real.
- If you like school girls, buy a uniform for your wife to wear for you.
- Racism will never end as long as white cars are using black tyres; if people still use black to symbolize bad luck and white for peace, if people still wear white clothes at weddings and black clothes at funerals; as long as those who don’t pay their bills are blacklisted and not white-listed. But I don’t care as long as I am using the white toilet paper to wipe my ass.
- It is hard to bewitch African girls these days. Each time you take a piece from her hair to the witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire.
- South Africans will kick down the statue of a white man but won’t even attempt to slap a live one. Yet they can stone to death a black man simply because he is a foreigner.
- Some women’s legs are like rumours, they keep on spreading.
- Some girls have never seen the doors of a gym but look physically fit because of running from one man to another.
- And to those of you who do not actually go to church but watch it on TV, you will not actually go to Heaven, but you will be allowed to watch it on TV.
- You smoke weed and you take some coke. Few minutes after, you hear ‘chooboi chooboi’ in your head. It’s a set up. The moment you answer, “Yei”!, you are mad.
- The only public place Ghanaian ladies can be romantic is around the ATM machine.
- If you are a lady and you don’t respect men, you will end up serving jollof at your younger sister’s wedding.
- Dear ladies, if your boyfriend did not wish you a happy Mother’s day, stop breastfeeding him.
- Whenever things seem to start going well in your life, the Devil comes and gives you a girlfriend.
- I stopped trusting ladies when my class 3 girlfriend left me for another boy all because he bought a sharpener with a mirror.
- When one’s goat gets missing, the aroma of a neighbour’s soup gets suspicious.
- Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today may wipe your face tomorrow.
- If you have attended over 100 weddings in your life and are still single, you are not different from a canopy.
- My dear ladies, please don’t buy a selfie stick when your armpit itself needs a shaving stick.
- Even Satan wasn’t gay; he approached naked Eve instead of naked Adam. Say no to same sex marriage.
Watch a video of Mugabe addressing the United Nations on gay marriage here: